my vag is so smooth its legendary
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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