happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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