she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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