I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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