I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
