Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
