New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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