I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
