so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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