I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
