i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
People in love make me want to vomit
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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