I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
