she woke up with a sticky ear
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
