Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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