walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
do nipples grow back?
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