Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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