Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
