My first STD was from a foam party
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
