I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
