I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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