im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
