TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
