Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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