dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
