Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
