Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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