All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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