She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
