that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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