First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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