just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
