Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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