just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
