i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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