Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
