they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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