her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
how drunk are you?
Several
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
