I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
