im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
