If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize