My pussy is not your playground.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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