so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
