so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We are two peas in an std pod
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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