When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
