Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
