did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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