i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
