Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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