That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
