I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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