So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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