You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
