She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
hell yes lets make some ravioli
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
