hotel room ftw
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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