I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
