So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
