So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
