He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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