I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
