what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
