How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
