Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
