So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
