there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
