Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
