Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
