I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
