this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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