you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
