PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
