If i come over, it means nothing
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
