Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
