you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
