and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
