I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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