My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
