dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
