also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
