New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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