Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
this is an emotional support booty call
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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