im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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