i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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