I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
