I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
