I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
