bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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