haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
