My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
