I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
